Gay Gene Actually Just Makes Your Sisters Sexy, Claims Science
Mourn, queens, the demise of one of our most treasured psychomyths: it’s not your mother’s sexual frigidity that made you gay after all, but your sister’s sluttiness. Italian scientists have spent years combing the genomes and (presumably) dating lives of homosexual men and their relatives, and have hit on an unexpected solution to the problem of the “gay gene” – the same chromosomal package that makes men gay makes women more outgoing, sexually attractive, and fecund, and therfore more likely to pass the gene on themselves. That”s exactly what Huffington Post’s science writers are telling us, right?:
… why haven’t gay man genes driven themselves extinct? For several years, studies led by Andrea Camperio Ciani at the University of Padova in Italy and others have found that mothers and maternal aunts of gay men tend to have significantly more offspring than the maternal relatives of straight men… Through this trade-off, the maternal relatives’ “gay man genes,” though they aren’t expressed as such, tend to get passed to future generations in spite of their tendency to make their male inheritors gay… Turns out, the moms and aunts of gay men have an advantage over the moms and aunts of straight men for several reasons: They are more fertile, displaying fewer gynecological disorders or complications during pregnancy; they are more extroverted, as well as funnier, happier and more relaxed; and they have fewer family problems and social anxieties. “In other words, compared to the others, [they are] perfect for a male,” Camperio Ciani said. Attracting and choosing from the best males enables these women to produce more offspring, he noted.
To recap: the cruel impersonal forces of natural selection have ordained that gay men’s sisters will be effortlessly happy baby-making machines who are probably fun to drink with, while cursing gay men themselves with futilely powerful libidos and throngs of nieces and nephews to buy birthday presents for. Happy Pride m0nth, all!